Marilyn was born on a farm just outside Charter Oak, Iowa. She was taken care of well and produced plenty of tasty milk for her host family.

 

While she was still young, the family groomed her well enough to enter her into the 4H Competition at the Crawford County Fair, where she won Grand Champion Heifer.

 

More importantly, while at the fair, Marilyn met a young lad by the name of Steve. Steve had thinning hair, a surly grin, and an irresistable air of pure evil to him that she couldn't refuse. It was love at first moo.

 

One night during the fair, Steve came to visit Marilyn. Marilyn did not realize she was sexually attracted to humans, but Steve realized he was attracted to cows. So after some intense kissing, Steve unzipped his pants, stepped behind Marilyn, and made both their wishes come true.

 

After several months of intense courting, Steve decided he wanted to marry Marilyn. The only problem is that people were generally against cow fucking and cow marriage in Crawford County.

 

Steve solved that problem by saying that the anti-cow rhetoric was, "little more than hazing," and claimed that everyone who said stuff like that were gay and loved gay people. To defend themselves against this rhetoric, the people of Crawford County allowed Steve and Marilyn to get married.

 

With Marilyn by his side (and oftentimes in front of him as they get their lovin'), Steve ascended through the ranks of state government and eventually ran for a seat in the US House of representatives. Using hateful Republican rhetoric, and passing Marilyn off as a person, he won.

 

Steve and Marilyn are still happily married -- well as happy as a raging neocon can be.